2006 No Brain Name Game way to Draft
by- Jeff Mertes

Once again, we offer a nearly comatose way to draft a competitive fantasy team by only selecting players with four surnames.  Being limited to just a foursome of last names, out of the hundreds of potentials playing in the NFL, would seem as elusive as catching Osama Bin Laden at first glance.  But, if a bunch of Johnsons, Browns, Mannings and Smiths suited-up in your colors for the 2006 campaign, odds are the team would be in the hunt in most leagues.

Starting with hands planted firmly in the center’s crotch would of course be Peyton Manning (Colts).  P-Man certainly isn’t a bad guy to be flinging the pigskin for any team, under any circumstances.  Last year, he lofted aerials for 3,747 yards with 28 connections for touchdowns.  Combine those passing stats with just 10 picked-off, and you have the most potent offensive signal-caller around.  Little bro Eli Manning (Giants) is in a back-up role (3,762 yards, 24 tds, 17 interceptions) with Alex Smith (49ers) holding a clipboard.
FOUR SURNAME STARTERS
Pos. Player NFL Proj. Gas Pts
QB Peyton Manning IC 7.54
RB Larry Johnson KC 10.80
Rudi Johnson CIN 7.50
WR Chad Johnson CIN 5.30
Steve Smith CP 4.98
Reggie Brown PE 2.46
TE L.J. Smith PE 2.43
PK Josh Brown SS 7.19
DL Will Smith NS 4.28/1.13
Justin Smith CIN 4.28/.81
LB Derek M. Smith SF 6.57/.20
Derrick Johnson KC 6.25/.38
DB Mike Brown CHI 5.39/.57
Sheldon Brown PE 4.97/1.00
C.C. Brown HT 4.63/.38
Packing the bladder would  be Larry Johnson (Chiefs) and Rudi Johnson (Bengals).  With this pair of Johnsons beating feet, the turf may be turned to mulch.  In just nine starts last season, Larry toted for 1,750 yards and 20 rushing touchdowns.  Wow!  Rudi showed remarkable consistency by posting stats that were a near copy of the year before – 1,458 yards along with 12 paydirt packs.  Ready to step into the lineup would be Ronnie Brown (Dolphins), who carried the loaf for 907 yards and four tds as a rookie while sharing carries with Ricky Williams.  Williams is now north of the border, so Brown is ready to romp and roll.  Injury prone Chris Brown (Titans) would also be available for spot duty at running back.

Pacing pass grabbers for the ‘Team with Four Names’ would be Steve Smith (Panthers) and Chad Johnson (Bengals).  Smith lit the wick last year by making catches for 1,563 yards, including a dozen to the zone, while Johnson, by no means a dim bulb, had receptions for 1,422 yards with nine counters.  Third among wide-outs would be Reggie Brown (Eagles) who got the nod to fill T.O.’s shoes as a rookie and produced 571 yards along with four scoring grabs under less than ideal conditions.  Others available would be the venerable twosome of Rod Smith (Broncos) and Keyshawn Johnson (Panthers) as well as Andre Johnson (Texans). 

If tight ends are required, L.J. Smith (Eagles), who hauled-in passes for 682 yards with three scores, would start, backed-up by Alex Smith (Buccaneers), who grabbed zingers for 367 yards including two to the promisedland.  Eric Johnson (49ers), an outstanding pass catching TE injured all of last season, is a sleeper choice.

Booting for the team would be Josh Brown (Seahawks), who knocked 18 field goals and 56 extra points ‘tween the tines, backed-up by Kris Brown (Texans).

On the flipside of the ball, Justin Smith (Bengals) with 45 tackles, 20 assists and 6 sacks last season and Will Smith (Saints) who recorded 48 tackles, 12 assists and 8.5 sacks man the defensive line.  Set to sub would be Alex Brown (Bears- 38 tackles, 7 assists, 6 sacks) and Aaron Smith (Steelers – 29 tackles, 10 assists, 2 sacks). 

Backing up the line for the JBMS squad would be consistent veteran Derek M. Smith (49ers – 90 tackles, 26 assists, 1 interception) and a trio of youngsters – Daryl Smith (Jaguars – 70 tackles, 11 assists, 4 sacks, 1 interception), Derrick Johnson (Chiefs – 79 tackles, 16 assists, 2 sacks) and Landon Johnson (Bengals – 60 tackles, 26 assists).  Second year player Roy Manning (Packers) and oldie-moldie Chad Brown (Patriots) would be available to fill-in.

Patrolling the defensive backfield would be Sheldon Brown (Eagles – 47 tackles, 9 assists, 4 interceptions, 1 sack), injury prone Mike Brown (Bears – 63 tackles, 9 assists, 1 sack), C.C. Brown (Texans) who, as a rookie, recorded 53 tackles, 26 assists, 1 interception and Ricky Manning (new addition to the Bears this year) with 33 tackles, 8 assists, 2 interceptions last season as a Panther.  Rookie Danieal Manning (Bears) and second year corner Derrick Johnson (49ers) would be available to step into the lineup.

By no means are these all the Johnsons, Browns, Mannings and Smiths available to be drafted.  Perhaps the only ‘must’ surnames are Manning, because of Archie’s offspring at quarterback, and Brown because of place kicking needs.  A case could be made for substituting Williams or Jones for Johnson or Smith without losing any fantasy impact.

For the ultimate lazy way to draft, the JBMSers would be a slam-bam way to fill a roster for 2006.  It’s doubtful, though, that other league members would sit back and allow many of these players to be snatched off the board, though…but then, they might not fully realize the strength of the handicap.